She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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