when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
