Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
