I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
