I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
