i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
