It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
