Cold hands, warm shart.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
