New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
