is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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