I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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