Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
