I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
