he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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