carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
do nipples grow back?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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