I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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