I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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