imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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