ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
