I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
