If i come over, it means nothing
After last night, I could never be a politician.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
