i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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