ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
