I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
