I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
