Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize