ya dads aren't the best wingmen
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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