Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
