And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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