some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
