since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
bring money and cleavage
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
