I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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