Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
