I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
