Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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