Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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