is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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