I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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