we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
