You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
