Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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