she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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