I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
