and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
