Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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