I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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