I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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