Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think i got beer on your cat.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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