Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
