we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
