but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
