You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
