That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
